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And Now We Have Nine Children

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We passed court today so we have the pleasure of introducing:

“Tigist Michael Gowin”
“Dawit Michael Gowin”
“Solomon Michael Gowin”

We are going to talk with them today about some American names we have picked out, but for now these are their official names.

Today is still very busy–we’ll have time with the kids this afternoon and then we’ll need to pack for our flight out tonight. More details to come soon.

(Bonus: our checked bags arrived today–just in time for us to pass out some gifts on behalf of friends and then to turn around and head home tonight.)

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Tigist

 

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Dawit

 

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Solomon

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Normal Vs. Us, Episode 01: In Which We Will Fly To Ethiopia on Extremely Short Notice

 

International adoption brings with it a host of peculiarities: having your personal and financial doings exposed to strangers, the seemingly endless hours of paperwork, waiting, more paperwork, more waiting, travel, inevitable but awkward questions from (usually) well-meaning folks.

Today I want to highlight just one oddity–the way family plans can change dramatically and unexpectedly in just a few days.

Here’s the scene: on Monday, a husband and wife are seated at the breakfast table conversing about activities later in the week. Same conversation on Wednesday, the husband simply making sure the Friday plans are still valid.

What it looks like for “normal” families

Monday

Husband (munching on toast): What are we doing Friday?

Wife (looking at calendar): Kids are out of school at 2:00, the boys have haircuts. Then the usual–pizza and family movie night.

Husband (munching): OK.

Wednesday

Husband (munching on toast): So what are we doing Friday again?

Wife (distractedly): Kids are out of school at 2:00, Liam and Aidan have haircuts. Family movie night.

Husband (munching): OK.

And here’s what it looks like for families involved in international adoption

Monday

Husband (munching on toast): What are we doing Friday?

Wife (looking at calendar): Kids are out of school at 2:00, the boys have haircuts. Then the usual–pizza and family movie night.

Husband (munching): OK.

Wednesday

Husband (munching on toast): So what are we doing Friday again?

Wife (distractedly): The agency called. We need to leave for Ethiopia on Friday for a court appointment Tuesday. My mom’s driving up from Oklahoma tomorrow to stay with the kids.

Husband (munching): OK.

Annnnnd that’s our week, friends. For real.

Our adoption agency has said that our paperwork was moving faster than expected but you’re never really sure what that means. So we’ve been in a holding pattern for a few weeks.

And then they called on Monday and said we needed to schedule a court appointment in Ethiopia, could we check our calendar? We suggested some dates. They called yesterday (Wednesday) to confirm that we have a court appointment next Tuesday.

So Suzanne and I will hop on a plane (three planes, really) tomorrow for Ethiopia, spend a couple days with the kids, go to court on Tuesday morning, then hop on a plane to come back home Tuesday night.

No biggie.

That’s how we roll when it’s normal vs. us.

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Parenting: Not For Wimps

The Creator of the universe finds parenting to be challenging:

I reached out day after day
to a people who turned their backs on me,
People who make wrong turns,
who insist on doing things their own way.
They get on my nerves,
are rude to my face day after day,
Make up their own kitchen religion,
a potluck religious stew. (Isaiah 65.2-3)

Why should we expect it to be happier, easier, or somehow different?

This post, which appeared today on the Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Ministry Facebook page, offers a better perspective:

God does not say to us: “Clean up your mess, get your act together, straighten yourself out, act your age, and stop embarrassing me…and then you can come to me and we can have a relationship.”

Instead, he says: “I will come to you in the midst of your mess, misbehavior, immaturity, impulsiveness, disobedience, selfishness, and falling apart…and I will meet you just as you are, right where you are. But, I will not leave you there. I will gently, yet firmly, lead you toward the hope, healing, and freedom that can only be found when you are truly connected.”

May our parenting reflect more and more this life-giving, grace-filled, transformational love of a God that runs to us, even when we are still far away.

The journey is not always happy, but there is joy when you know how to see it.

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A Fun Game: “In My Mind I Just…”

Erin (our almost 14-year-old) and I have been playing this game lately we’re calling “In My Mind.”

It usually starts with a conversation between us that may be just a little “off.” For example, Erin’s telling me about some bit of her day at school and I start to space out a little, envisioning the story taking a different direction. Or maybe I just get distracted and see myself doing something completely unexpected and extreme while she’s telling the story. So I tell her, “In my mind, I just plowed into you like Hobbes when Calvin gets home from school.”

HobbesPouncesErin might then respond by saying, “In my mind I just watched you walk into the kitchen but I was hiding behind the door and I smashed it into you and you fell down and cried.”

Interestingly, a lot of her “in my mind” vignettes end up with me injured and crying. Not sure what that says about me, her, or how she perceives our relationship…

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A Simple Way to Help Your Child Become a Positive Person

We want our children to grow up to be confident, friendly, useful, secure about who they are, generous, helpful, loving and kind toward others.

There’s a simple way to help them get there.

Suzanne and I are teaching an Empowered to Connect parenting class at our church, and this week we’re talking about developing healthy attachment with children. This can be a real struggle for families raising “kids from hard places” but it’s an essential part of healing and growth.

Here’s a snippet of our reading this week from Deborah Gray’s Nurturing Adoptions:

…when children are attaching in positive settings, they are literally being wired to become positive people. Their brain development is tilted in a positive direction. When children are moving into new homes, they will need to experience a highly positive and nurturing home environment in order to overcome their past and to take advantage of the plasticity of the developing brain. Children who have previously been abused or neglected may have been wired to be negative. Unless they experience something very different, nothing will change. Parents need to be deliberate in order to counteract their own disappointment with the mood difficulties their children may be having. They should be aware that they may have to create positive moods–and that they cannon take negative moods personally (p. 128).

Want your child to become a positive person? Create a safe, loving, positive environment in your home.

It’s simple but it’s not easy.

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Put a Red Dragon in Your Nativity Scene — It’s Biblical (2013)

Note: This is a repost from 2010. Merry Christmas.

© Michael Gowin

Since 2009, we’ve been placing a red dragon in one of our manger scenes—that’s it in the photo above. Why? The apostle John puts a dragon in his Christmas narrative in Revelation 12.1-5:

A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.” And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. (NIV)

Our friend and mentor Bob Lowery has done this for years. Read his essay, “Christmas on Patmos,” and you’ll want to add a red dragon to your nativity scene as well.

Side note: this year our dragon keeps finding himself placed on his back some distance away from the baby Jesus. Evidently our girls have been doing this to indicate the dragon’s defeat. Our children understand what Christmas is about.