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Kieran’s surgery update

Kieran’s surgery went well today. It took 6 hours, an hour longer than anticipated, and then another hour before he was awake enough for me to come into the recovery room with him. For a while, he was a pitiful sight—low moaning and talking about the pain when he would come in and out of his doze. But now, 5 hours later, he is more lucid, and the pain is a little more controlled. His eyes are not fully working yet, so he keeps asking if his leg is longer and trying to see it.

Remarkably, it is!

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Today as I read my Bible, listened to my ipod, and perused Facebook and email, several Words of encouragement stuck out to me about Kieran’s surgery and our lives together. I am recording them here for my own sake, but feel free to reflect on the Word with me.

“You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy…. Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” (Jn 16:20, 22)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4:16-18)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9)

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Heb 12:2-3)

Satan tried to keep this boy down even before he was born. There are so many ways he tried to stop Kieran from glorifying God in his life, but it’s not working. Just the opposite!

TAKE THAT, SATAN.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand…. Here in the power of Christ I stand! (worship song “In Christ Alone” sung by Keith & Kristyn Getty)

“You’re restoring every heartache and failure, every broken dream, you’re the God who sees, the God who rescued me, this is my story…. You’ve been walking with me all this time. (song “All This Time” by Britt Nicole)

Your glory speaks in every language across the sky to every nation. You are beauty unimagined…. Lift it up, endless praises to our God! Full of grace, full of love, that is reigning over us! You are faithful! You are worthy, God! This is who you are… You hear the cry of every broken heart… You hold the orphan in your loving arms. This is who you are! (worship song “Who You Are” sung by Kristian Stanfill)

This is just the beginning. Though it will be painful, for the first time in six years tomorrow he will walk on two legs. I have always believed God has special plans for this boy.

I wonder where his legs will take him….

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:11)

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You are about to witness a miracle!

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People ask me all the time, “How do you do it? How do you get everything done with six kids?!?” The answer: I don’t. All KINDS of things don’t get done. But my kids are still alive, so I guess we are ok. I think. (Actually, I haven’t seen Erin in a while….)

One thing that doesn’t get done, especially in the summer when everyone is home, is blogging. But you need an update on Kieran and we need to share it!

Kieran is having surgery on Oct 30!!!

Just a little over a year after arriving here, he is going to have an extensive leg-lengthening surgery at Shriners in St. Louis that will eliminate his need for the crutches!

I remember singing in worship at the Orphan Summit in California last May 2012—weeks before we were able to even see Kieran’s file and accept his referral—about Jesus who “makes the lame to walk” and wondering, hoping, EXPECTING that I was going to get to see that kind of miracle in MY day, in MY son. Well, believers, we are going to witness this miracle together!

To tell you the truth, I so believed that this miracle was going to happen, that when we met with our elders to pray over Kieran and anoint him with oil (following the directives of James 5:14-15), I truly thought I was going to feel his legs grow right under my hands as I prayed on my knees in front of him. It could happen! God COULD do that if He wanted. I truly believe that. But I see more clearly now that part of the miracle for Kieran needs to be sought in the journey of learning to be patient and trust in a God he can’t see and in a new family that he can see.

For 6 years, since Kieran broke his femur, he has been told regularly by doctors in Ethiopia to “come back next week,” “come back next month,” “come back tomorrow,” and “Why are you here? Do you think you are going to run or something?” So when he got here and doctors were telling him to “come back later,” he was disappointed in the miracle-working America that he had dreamed up in his head. Even though, here in America, the waits (for test results, for medications to take effect, etc) were legitimate, he lost hope. He told the doctor at Shriners back in February when we went to see if anything could be done, “I glad to do what you say, and for research to help other kids, but I know I not going to change.”

However, the doctor looked at us surprised and said, “Well we are not miracle workers, but I’d like to think we can do some things that will help you walk again like other kids.” The tears rolled down my face. Hope. Restoration. Redemption. Mercy.

I think there is still a bit of Kieran that is thinking, “I’ll believe it when I see it,” and who could blame him? But I know his future is about to change radically!

<<GORE ALERT>>
For those of you who like the gory nitty-gritty details, the amazing doctors at Shriners will be breaking his majorly arched left femur bone and then putting a rod down the middle of it so it can form more straight and longer. In the same surgery, they will break the two lower bones (tibia and fibula) and put an external fixator device on the outside of his leg connected with pins through the bones. Everyday we will turn some knobs very slightly which will pull the disconnected bones further apart. Our bones like to grow together, so that is how his lower leg will also be lengthened.

Kieran and I will spend a week in the hospital and then for about 6 weeks return once a week to St Louis for physical therapy and a checkup. We will also have rehab at a local hospital (hopefully in Lincoln) twice a week, as well as 30-60 minutes of therapy at home twice a day. We will live, eat, and breath physical therapy. I’ll bet by the end of it, even Eva will be able to coach Kieran through it!

We have a long road ahead of us. Kieran will likely be out of school for 4-6 weeks while his leg strengthens and he learns to walk again. He will have that device on his leg for about 6 months. The therapy will be very painful, but if he doesn’t push through (with my help and others), his leg and muscles will not heal correctly and it will hurt even worse. Once his entire left leg is healed and strong enough to support all his weight, then the doctors will likely go in and break his other femur and put a rod in it to even out the two legs more exactly.

This is going to take a while. But he will walk again! And God, in His infinite and intimate wisdom, knows it is best for my son to walk through this miracle one day at a time.

Our adoptive Father is writing this story. To God be the glory!

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Behind Kieran’s Story 6.2 — Kings and Queens

As an update, Kieran’s treatments have gone well. We finished the first round in March and will do another in July. Late July we will head back to Shriner’s Children’s Hospital in St. Louis to see how the IV infusions have been affecting him. They will then determine if he is ready for leg surgery or will need more treatments first, and then check again later.

Thank you so much for your prayers and please continue to pray for healing for Kieran and wisdom for the doctors as they determine the best course of action for him.

Now for more behind our adoption story….

When I first announced our referral for Kieran last May 2012, I promised to share with you more about how God led us specifically to him, but I was unable to do so then because we had not yet passed court.  Last February, I shared one part of that story (starting in the 6th paragraph of this post), and now I would like fill in a few more details of what God showed me in that month preceding Easter 2012, the month in which I vowed not to ask or speak about adoption until we finished our Lenten fast.  (Funny how God is able to speak to us better when we are silent!)

The next weekend after God announced to me (while watching the “Hugo” movie) that now-named Kieran was to be our son, I flew off to an adoptive mom’s retreat in Atlanta, GA called Created for Care.  The theme song during the retreat was “Beautiful Things” by Gungor—a new song at the time.  It’s about how God makes beautiful things out of the dust.  I was soaking in all the adoptive mommy encouragement I could get, so I didn’t think a lot about the song at the time until I got home.  Click on the song title above to hear it or here is an excerpt:

All this pain,
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change… at all?

All this earth,
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come out from this ground… at all?

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

A few days after I returned from the retreat while having my quiet time, I felt God speak to me, as he did through Eli to Hannah, these words:

Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him. (1 Sam 1:17)

I had been praying for more than two years for Him to bring to us the boy He had promised. I had also known for almost two years that God had given me his Bible name: Solomon.  (God had given me each of the other kids’ Bible middle names).  Now I had been praying hard about this boy named “Sage” on the Waiting Child List, thinking this might be our boy. And like Hannah, after years of praying, I felt God was saying that now was the time He was going to grant that prayer and that I should go in “peace” (“Solomon” in Hebrew means “peace.”)

Really God?? Is it finally time!?

Then right there in my favorite spot on the couch, the Words on the pages of my Bible jumped out at me.  In 1 Sam 2:8, Hannah prayed:

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
He seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.

Did you know that was in Hannah’s prayer?  I didn’t!  In an instant, like a fast forward of clips in a movie, I saw all the promises and past pieces of the puzzle that God had shown me one by one, suddenly fall together.  I wish I could describe that instant to you—I will do my best!

The song above about how God forms beautiful things out of the dust converged with these verses about raising the poor and needy from the dust and ashes which converged with all the memories I have of walking in Ethiopia where the poor and lame sit in the dust of the streets, day after day, waiting for someone to hand them a coin or a piece of bread.  This is most likely where this crippled 15 year old boy “Sage” would end up if no one adopted him before he turned 16 because he would have no means of getting to school or doing manual labor to make a living for himself.

In this same instant, I looked up at my old 6-seat dining room table and instead pictured my family sitting at the table I had long dreamed of that seated 8 and was huge and round.  In that same instant, I remembered the story of another son of King David’s that was crippled as a small child and adopted into David’s family: Mephibosheth.

In those days, a person who was lame would have no rights or land or dignity.  Even after King David told Mephibosheth, “I will surely show you kindness… and restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table,” Mephibosheth himself bowed down and told King David, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” (2 Sam 9:7-8)

King David adopted this son of his best friend Jonathan and promised that he would always sit at his table.  In essence, Mephibosheth grew up right alongside Solomon, with the same rights and dignity as the boy Solomon who would eventually become the successor to the King!!

So in this same instant, I pictured “Sage/Solomon” filling the 8th seat at my new Round Table!  Do you see it—round like a king’s Round Table??  In this vision, my Solomon and my Mephibosheth became one person, and though our family is not rich or kings by any stretch of the imagination, we know that we are rich through Christ with God’s grace!  And we are rich with blessings of love and family stability that I never want to take for granted.  Michael has always reminded our kids that they have “a charmed life.”  Though far from perfect, our family has a richness that far outweighs any monetary richness we could ever accumulate.

Thus, God showed me that he was going to lift this boy that he loved and had not forgotten out of the dirty streets of Ethiopia where he would beg for food, and put him into our family where he would become an heir to our throne, as meager as it is, and would never want for food or medical help or school again.  Our King Jesus would change him from Mephibosheth into King Solomon!

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(Interesting aside: I never thought about the made up English name the agency gave him for anonymity on the Waiting Child List, Sage, until months later.  I always thought of the color or the herb, but if you look up Sage in the dictionary, you will find “one who is wise.”  Who do you think of when you think of the wisest man on earth?  King Solomon??)

As confirmation, at the end of last January, in the very same moments when someone yelled upstairs to me that the truck had arrived to deliver our new round table, I was hearing the then new song “Kings and Queens” by Audio Adreniline on the radio.  Here is an excerpt and the video—a must see!

Boys become kings, girls will become queens, wrapped in your majesty, when we love the least of these

Audio Adrenaline – Kings and Queens (Exclusive Music Video Premiere) from audio-adrenaline on GodTube.

If not us, then who will be like Jesus to the least of these?

 

Outtakes:

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Update after Kieran’s week at Shriners

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People have been asking what we found out after our stay at Shriners Hospital for Children, so in case you didn’t see my update on Facebook, here is the plan:

Due to his genetic disorder Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), Kieran’s bones have a severely low density, and so he is not allowed to carry anything over 5# (including a heavy backpack).  He cannot do anything that has an impact, but we will begin aquatherapy at the hospital in the next few weeks to strengthen his leg muscles.  He has to be extra careful about everything because his bones could break very easily.  He can’t even listen to very loud music because he could break his eardrums and there is no cast for that. 🙂

He will start IV infusions with a bisphosphonate drug that will strengthen his bones over a period of 3 years or more.  He will do this like a chemotherapy patient: going to the hospital in Springfield once a week for 3 weeks, then about 3 months off, then start the cycle over again.  His first 3 appts are Mar 8, 14, and 22, so you can pray for him those days.  We will be at the hospital at 8am, he will have some labs drawn to check calcium levels, and then he will sit for at least 4 hours to receive the IV meds.  We will likely be there for about 6 hours before driving home.  Please especially pray for his first infusion because he will have flu-like symptoms (fever, bone aches, headache) for up to 48 hours after the infusion.  They say this usually only occurs after the first treatment.

After 2 rounds of these infusions, we will go back to Shriners for a couple days in July to recheck his bone density, etc. and see how effective the drugs have been.  At that point, they may schedule surgery for a few months after, or they may wait until he has had more rounds of the treatment.

When surgery is done, they will break his curved femur (the one that was broken a couple times at age 10 and didn’t heal correctly and is the reason his left leg is 8cm shorter than the other) and put a metal rod into it to straighten it. (Or it is possible they will get in there and see the rod won’t work and then put a plastic plate in instead, and then replace it with a rod later. Please pray the rod will work for him so it will be more permanent and less surgeries.)  During the same surgery, they will break the two bones in the lower part of his leg and attach an external fixation device (warning: don’t click on that if you are faint at heart! 🙂 ).  With this device, we will turn knobs a tiny bit everyday to lengthen his leg, and then we will need to drive (2+ hrs) to Shriners in St. Louis once a week for a month or two until they get things to the length they want it.  The device will stay on at least 5 months.  (If anyone has any basketball breakaway-type pants about size 10 that they would like to donate, he will need something he can on get over the device.)  We will also have an hour of physical therapy, twice a day, to do at home during those 5 months.

The point of the surgeries is to lengthen the left leg so that it matches the right leg and he will no longer need to walk with crutches.  It is possible that after the first leg heals, they may have to make adjustments by putting a rod into the other femur. (It is bowed some too, as are most of his bones, but not as badly.)

His back does have compression fractures due to his OI, and so the broken vertebrae cause the shortened torso and curved spine, but since it is only curved 30% and not too badly, surgery is not warranted.  The growth plates in his lower body were likely fractured as well, so that is why he is shorter and will not likely grow much more—unless, of course, God has other plans. 🙂

There will be a lot of driving, a lot of doctor appointments, a lot of pain, and a lot of work to make this all happen, but there is hope!!  The second day we were at Shriners before the doctors had decided a course of action, the geneticist was asking a lot of questions through a translator and explaining a lot of medical things to make sure Kieran understood the nature of his disorder.  At the end, Kieran very politely told him that he was happy to do the testing and the work and was happy if it would be helpful to other patients in the future, but that he knew that nothing was going to change for him.  The geneticist looked surprised and said, “Well, I’d like to think we can do something about this!”  Tears rolled down my face.  Really???  There is hope??  This CAN be fixed?!?

I had braced myself and him for the fact that even in America, not everything can be fixed, but we will try everything we can.  In the meantime, he could go to school, get a job, have a life—none of which would be possible for a person with disabilities in Ethiopia where he was from.  And he always has God with him, guiding him, and writing a story through him of His grace and glory.

I think we are still holding our breath a little, wondering if it really will work.  But since that third day when they told us the plan, I have seen Kieran walk a little lighter (pun intended!), and hope is slowly lifting that burden off his back.  I do catch myself thinking things like, “Well, maybe NEXT year he can go out in the snow and play,” or “Maybe this summer he will be willing to get in the pool with us,” or “Maybe someday he will dance with us!” (His region in Ethiopia is known for their dancing.)  Oh, the possibilities!!

Thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for Kieran, beginning way back when he was at the orphanage, and all the way through today!  Please keep praying—God is writing a beautiful story of healing and redemption and you are a part of it!!  You are a blessing to us!

Pictured at the top are Kieran with his geneticist and nurse—both very competent and very caring!

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Kieran update and Behind the Story (BTS) 6.1

First of all, an update on Kieran’s medical issues, in case you don’t make it to the end of this long post.  🙂

It turns out that along with the severe lack of Vitamin D Kieran received as a child (no sunlight for a year or two and no dairy his entire life), he also has a genetic disorder called Osteogenesis imperfecta (OI).  However, his particular strand of OI has actually not been seen before.

We are so grateful for the doctors we have seen so far, and are especially amazed to see how God’s hand is at work even in the next step.  Kieran and I (Suzanne) will be headed to St. Louis early Monday morning, Feb 4, to stay at the Shriner’s Hospital for Children for a week of testing and hopefully some answers as to what we do next.  We will be there till Friday, Feb 8, seeing some of the best doctors in the world for this particular medical issue.  (We are so grateful those doctors are only 2 hours away!)  I had pursued Shriners early on before we brought Kieran home, but I felt the person I talked to had not given me much hope, so I dismissed the idea.  However, God sent someone I barely knew at church to come to my door with a Shriners application, so how could I say no!

Thank you, Lord, for repeatedly filling in the gaps where I would otherwise miss them altogether.

Satan apparently tried doubly hard to keep Kieran’s God-given purpose in life at bay, but I believe God will redeem it all and still use it for His glory.  We are doing all we can to help him navigate this life and listen for God’s direction.  Will you pray with us?

Secondly, people have repeatedly asked to hear more of the story about how God led us to Kieran.  In my post last May announcing Gowin Kid #6, I mentioned that during the month of March/April preceding Easter, God revealed to me multiple times that Kieran was supposed to be our son.  I couldn’t share those revelations at the time because they were so specific to him and we were not supposed to post any details about children from the orphanage until we had passed court and they were legally ours.  Here is one of the ways God led me to Kieran.

It was a Tuesday in March 2012 that I first saw Kieran (his anonymous name on our agency’s Waiting Child List was “Sage”).  He was older so he did fit the part I already knew about our future son, that he would be older and by himself (no siblings, at least to be adopted with him) and about to age out of the system.  But my honest first reaction when I saw his disabilities (that he walked with crutches along with other medical conditions) was that this would be too difficult for us, already knowing that adding number six would be a challenge, spatially and financially.  I tried to dismiss him from my mind, but within 24 hours, God had helped me open my heart, and he was all I could think about.

Then the following Friday, I came home from spending the day at a mom’s conference (Hearts at Home), and I grabbed a movie for the kids to watch for family movie night, about an orphan named Hugo.  When I got home, I saw that Michael was exhausted from watching the kids all day, so I suggested he go take some quiet time instead of joining us for the movie.

(Spoiler alert!)  The movie is about an orphan, living on his own, trying desperately to make an old robot work (that he and his late father had worked on together), so that he could get what he thought was a message from his father.  There is also a lawgiver, once an orphan himself, who is inhibited by a leg brace and is hunting the orphan down to put him in an orphanage (reminded me of Javert in”Les Mis”).  He also reminded me of the roommate of the main character in “Meet the Robinsons,” a boy who never got adopted and turned into the bad guy in the movie because of his sadness and resentment.  The third main character is an older man who is hiding a secret that could unlock everything, but he is also hurting.  Here is the scene at the end of the movie that hit me so hard:

Hugo is risking everything to try to bring the robot to the old man, and he and the robot are barely saved from being run over by a train, but then the policeman catches him.

(Police): “Are you injured? Come on! We’ll let the orphanage deal with you!”

(Hugo): “No! I don’t belong there!”

(P): “Where do you belong? A child has to belong somewhere.”

(H): “Listen to me! Please, you have to listen to me! I don’t understand why my father died, why I’m alone. This is my only chance … to work. (pleading) You should understand (looking at the policeman’s leg).

(Old man shows up): “I do! I do! Monsieur, this child belongs to ME!”

(Policeman reluctantly lets go of boy)

(Hugo runs to Old Man with his robot): “I’m sorry. He’s broken.”

(OM): “No, he’s not! He worked perfectly!”

It is this amazing triangle of grace!  The old man saves the orphan after the orphan risks his life to bring the robot to the old man to save his life.  Because the policeman sees this grace from both of them, he is able to finally let go of the revenge and bitterness he had harbored for so long.  Thus, the old man and Hugo save him, as he lets go of the orphan to allow him to go to the old man and be safe in a family.  Beautiful!

In this movie, it’s like Hugo and the policeman are the same person, just years apart.  They both desperately want a family to belong to.  They both desperately want to work, to have a purpose, to be complete.  Then when the old man says, “This child belongs to ME!” I knew to the very core of my being that “Sage” was supposed to be my son!

This was just one way in which God unexpectedly used a quirky little movie to show me His plans.  Since Michael did not watch the movie with us, and I had just recently vowed not to bring up adoption until after Lent was over, this was the first of many instances where I knew God was leading us specifically to adopt Kieran, but we didn’t get to discuss it till after Easter.

More posts to come about the revelations of that month (BTS 6.2 ….)

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Kieran adoption video – MLK Day

We made this adoption video of Kieran in time to play it for Orphan Sunday, Nov 4, 2012, but we couldn’t post it because one of Kieran’s friends in the video had not yet passed court.  He has since passed court and, in fact, his family is in Ethiopia right now to bring him and his brother home!

Back when we were in the process of adopting Aidan and Eva, there were two songs that I knew I wanted to use as adoption video songs, but one of them just didn’t apply to Aidan and Eva.  (Here is the one song in Aidan and Eva’s video from 2010.)  This second song, “Your Hands” by JJ Heller, tells of sorrow and pain and God’s compassionate hand in the lives of the suffering.  Though Aidan and Eva’s story does have more of that than they know, Aidan and Eva are so happy all the time that their past is just not as visible.  Little did I know at the time that we would soon have another son that the song would fit perfectly to.  When I heard the song again at the beginning of our pursuit of Kieran, it was one more small way in which I knew God was directing us specifically to bring him home as our son.

Today, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, is the perfect day to share our video with you.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.  I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.  I have a dream today. —Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

NOTE: If you’ve received this post via email or RSS, the video may not appear. Click here to get to the video.

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My (Suzanne’s) favorite Christmas song

Michael recently posted some of his favorite Christmas songs, and I would like to share with you the one that has ranked number one for me the last couple years.  Even in the off-season it makes me cry every time.  Though Michael’s taste in music is much more “high brow” than mine (translation: I have a hard time understanding the lyrics of his favorites), we both appreciate, as Michael says, “songs that speak to the mystery and wonder of God Incarnate.”

My favorite Christmas song is “Be Born in Me (Mary)” by Francesca Battistelli.  Here is the verse that really gets me:

All this time we’ve waited for the promise
All this time you’ve waited for my arms.
Did you wrap yourself inside the unexpected,
So we might know that love would go that far?

Can you imagine being Mary?  The Jews had waited SO LONG for a Savior.  They had the Law which helped them know better how to have relationship with God, but there was always that deep down awareness that they were never able to fully keep the Law, continually reminded that they were breaking relationship with Yahweh every time they sinned.  They longed for a time when the sacrificial system was no longer needed.  When they could be truly freed from the burden of their sin.  The whole of all Jewish history was focused on waiting for the Promise of a Savior.

And here was Mary, recognizing in wonderment that The Promise was laying right there in her arms.  She was His Mommy!  And even more, that the Almighty God waited thousands of years for her arms!  Maybe it’s just me, but I step inside Mary’s sandals, and it gets me every time.  “Father, you are trusting me with Your Son???”

Here is the other part of the song that resonates with me:

I am not brave, I’ll never be
The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I’m just a girl, nothing more
But I am willing, I am Yours

I especially felt this way during our adoption of Kieran.  Before we even knew who our son would be, we knew we were supposed to adopt an older boy who was about to age out of the system.  Who brings a teenage boy, with most likely unknown issues, into their family with 5 young vulnerable children at home??  From the outside, that doesn’t sound like a very wise decision.  Yet, I knew, without a doubt, that is what God was calling us to do, so we had to move forward in faith.  And even though God called us to pursue this, it didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be any problems, but we had to keep trusting in Him to walk with us step by step.  I am not brave.  I am just trying my hardest to be obedient and thanking God for His grace when I fail along the way.

I know where I have been.  How I grew up very insecure with a lot of baggage.  I, like Mary, wasn’t anyone special.  Just a girl.  But I sit in wonderment of how God would take a little girl and speak to her and use her for His service.  But that is the God we serve, the One who takes nobodies and shines through them so that HE is glorified.  His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.  And I have plenty of them for Him to work with. 🙂

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Update on Kieran’s physical condition….and prayer

Many are asking about how Kieran’s appointment went on Monday.  Thank you so much for your faithfulness in prayer and for your concern.  I’m sorry it’s taken this long to give a report.

Long story short—we don’t know much yet.

That was to be expected.  But Kieran was visibly disappointed when he realized that we weren’t going to schedule surgery now and fix his leg.  He said he knew about all the other issues, but I think he was holding on to a thread of hope that it could all be magically fixed in America.  Who wouldn’t?

We spent a lot of time taking x-rays.  His bones are all very soft and there are signs of multiple other fractures because of this fact.  His spine is curved in every which way.  At this point, there is no way we could do leg surgery and put pins, etc. into the bones—it would be like screwing into very soft pine.

So the direction we are taking is to load him up on Vitamin D and Calcium, do more blood tests, and wait for an appointment in Champaign, IL with a geneticist.  When we determine the cause of the bone degeneration, then we will proceed….whatever that means.  The orthopedist believes the cause was one of 3 things: malnutrition, body’s inability to absorb Vit D and other nutrients, or a congenital issue like osteogenesis imperfecta—or some combination of the three.  Do we think any of this is reversible?  I have no idea and I’m not sure the doctors know either.

It all sounds a little hopeless, but here is the part where God is stepping in.  I have a good friend in Springfield who is also an adoptive mom of a girl from Ethiopia.  She has hooked us up with an adult Ethiopian friend of theirs and Kieran, Eva, and I went to her apartment after Kieran’s first pediatrician appointment two weeks ago.  The purpose was to do some translation so we could check on Kieran’s emotional and physical feelings, and to have some comfort food as she showed me how to make “easy” Ethiopian food and “fake injera.” 🙂  She had an Ethiopian dance DVD playing when we came in and we all had a lovely time.

But come to find out, she is from the exact region that Kieran is from.  It’s not that they know the same people, but she knows the same foods and customs and was able to explain a lot to me, as well as send home a big bag of the regional spice.  In part of our conversation, she was determining that she thinks that Kieran is lactose intolerant.  In more conversation we had after the orthopedic appointment, we are realizing that Kieran was pretty deprived of Vitamin D during his youth.  Some important parts of the story came to light, and they would not have if she had not been from his region.

So it may very well have been his lack of nutrition that caused his bone issues.  There is still much to determine.  But it seems clear to me that God is putting pieces of the puzzle together and handing it to us when we would have no other way of determining what the pieces were.  That (among many other things) shows me that God is working on this and that we should not give up hope.

I am currently near the end of Beth Moore’s James Bible study, and this morning I read her daughter’s story about how God healed her unexplained chronic illnesses after she decided to take James 5:14-15 at its word:

Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.

She said she normally didn’t have a lot of room in her theology for this kind of thing, but she did it.  She also says she was unexplainably healed.  I am thinking we should pursue this for Kieran as well.  I believe this also may be part of the story that God is writing in Kieran’s life.  I have discussed with Kieran that even if nothing changes physically, he can still go to school, have a job some day, have a family—all things he wasn’t able to do in Ethiopia.  (When the injury happened to his leg at about age 10, he had to stop going to school because of paths to get there were no longer possible for him.  No school means manual labor jobs, which isn’t possible for him either.)  So that alone is part of God’s redemptive plan in his life to show the world.  But what if there is even more if we just tapped into God’s power and trusted that He truly still heals and makes the lame man walk…..???

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

So please keep praying for us.  Pray for healing like you’ve never believed before.  Pray for wisdom for us and the doctors and even more Words from our Heavenly Father to guide us.  And pray for Kieran’s heart to have peace and patience and trust in our God, no matter the outcome.

If you have made it this far in my post, then you are a righteous person and your prayers are powerful and effective.  Let’s believe that verse together.  Our prayers do make a difference.

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Great Is Thy Faithfulness

So, I was reading in Lamentations the other day….. (what—you too??) and since I am in the middle of having just brought home a 15 year old boy with much loss, I have been wondering what is going on in his mind, what he is lamenting.  I know the contexts of the two are totally different: Jeremiah was writing about the Israelites’ suffering and desperation in the midst of God’s punishment for their deep ongoing sin, while Kieran has done nothing to deserve his difficult place in life.  Yet in the middle of this depressing book and in the midst of His anger, our gracious God, once again, offers hope:

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
    while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
    for the Lord has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
    there may yet be hope.
30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
    and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
    by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
    or grief to the children of men.  (Lam 3:19-33)

Kieran is often found sitting alone in silence.  It is not because he is depressed (though I know he has sorrow)—I am pretty confident that he is praying a good bit of that time.  But he is bearing quite a yoke while he is still young.  He is grieving the loss of his childhood, his schooling, his family, his culture—all because of the loss of the use of his legs.  However, I see hope in his eyes.  His life may be a little like Job’s, but he is not giving up on his faithful God.

Recently, I read a post by my good friend and adoptive mama Monica that inspired me.  She said in long car trips when she is alone with her newly adopted teenage daughter, she takes the opportunity to pour into her love and the knowledge of her importance to God and to this life.  So that day, on the way home from our pediatrician appointment, I tried to do the same in the best way I could with Kieran’s limited understanding of English.

I reminded him how much God loves him and has not forgotten him.  I told him again that God so specifically called us to go get him, that I know He has great plans for him.  I tried to explain redemption to him in easy English like this: “I know some things are bad.  Your leg, that is bad.  But God is so good at changing bad to good!  He makes beautiful things out of ugly things.  Often, He even makes them more beautiful than before!”  And I told him that God is writing an amazing story (with a big pen sweep of my hand) with his life and I am SO EXCITED to see what He does with it!  And this God wants him to tell God’s redemptive story to the world!

Later today (Monday) is Kieran’s appointment with the pediatric orthopedic surgeon.  This is the appointment that he has probably been waiting on for 5 years.  This is a good bit of the reason he left everything he knew to come to America.  There may be a lot we still do not know after this appointment, but it is the beginning of something.  And there is always the possibility that they will tell us there is nothing they can do for him.

Please pray for wisdom for the doctor and a creative mind to think outside of the norm.  (I am thankful that he goes to Cambodia yearly which will undoubtedly give him a different kind of experience.)  And please pray for Kieran’s heart to accept and trust God even if the news is not what he wanted to hear.  With disabilities, he can still attend school (which he has not been able to do since his accident–there is no way to walk a long way in Ethiopia with crutches, nor push a wheelchair through the ruts in the dirt).  He can still get a job and have a family here.  There is still hope, even in the midst of his grief.

I wanted to make sure I wrote this post before our appointment today.  Whatever the outcome, God is faithful!  God is still on the throne and will use Kieran to glorify Himself!

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Faith, dead or alive?

Hmm, sounds like a Bon Jovi song…… but that’s not where I am headed.

Last night, in the middle of our first dinner together, Ramen noodles in our room, tears started to fill Kieran’s eyes.  I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he didn’t want to answer.  Did we say something that unknowingly offended?  We were just talking about how our dog Elli used to like to sit under Liam when we all sat around the dinner table because that was the likeliest place to find crumbs.  Did that remind him that he was not sitting with his first family for dinner?  Was he worried about his birth father or upset that we did not end up seeing him that day like we planned?

He didn’t want to say and was obviously trying to stop the tears, but to no avail.  When he and I were alone and I asked him again and he kept trying to tell me he was okay.  I didn’t want to push, but I explained that it was okay that he was sad and I wanted to help him.  He finally told me that he was worried about his father.  It seemed as though he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want ME to worry about HIM (as is consistent with the Ethiopian “it is no problem” culture, not wanting others to concern themselves with their own problems), or because he didn’t want me to feel bad that he was thinking about his father though he was with us.  Probably the former, but with the language and cultural and teen barrier, I truly do not know.

Today after church, we went to visit Kieran’s birth father at the hospital.  His only living parent has been blind from polio since age seven, and now he is in the hospital after having a major hip surgery two weeks ago.  (He fell and broke it about 8 weeks ago and spent a good 4 weeks just waiting for a hospital bed and another couple weeks waiting for the surgery.  That’s a long time to wait for hip surgery.)  He explained that the physical therapy is showing that his leg is not working well and now he has to leave the hospital since his two weeks post-surgery is up.  He used to have a friend he stayed with some in Addis, but that is not going to work out any more.  His relatives live in such remote village that it takes an 8-9 hour bus trip plus a 30 min walk to get home.

Now I was the one sitting there crying, as the sound of the unseasonal rain outside filled the scene as on cue.  All I could hear in my head was James 2:16 (which, come to find out, is in the next session of my Beth Moore: James study):

“If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?”

Yet, this is what I am about to do.  I am going to leave him with all these needs, and I don’t think I can do anything about them.  It is illegal for an adoptive parent to give large gifts to the birth family of whom you are adopting.  We leave on a plane in 3 days.  What can I do?  Is my faith dead?  Am I ignoring the sermon this morning about having compassion, which is more of a verb than an adjective?

I wasn’t making any noise with my cry, but the remaining senses of blind people are often heightened. He then told me through the translator not worry about him, that he would be alright.  He assured me that he is better than he was before the surgery, that he was thankful for our help, and that he would be praying for us.  You hear that?  HE doesn’t want ME to worry.

What are you wanting me to do, Lord?  What can I do?  I know some may try to tell me that we have already done enough, that we have come all the way across the world to take care of his son so he doesn’t end up alone on the streets with a bum leg like his father.  And we did arrange for the payment of this surgery through others, though we did not ourselves pay any of it.  But how do I know what is enough?  Is there ever an “enough”?  Would James or his half-brother Jesus let me off the hook?  I am thinking not.

Please pray for wisdom to know how to have compassion with action, a faith that is alive.