Suz wrote an insightful post about our first year with Aidan the other day; here are a few images from his birthday party last week, the Oreo frog treats that he brought to school, and then our trip to Culver’s to celebrate.
Gowin Kid #2: Aidan Samuel Getahun
Continuing in reverse age order, our second blessing is Aidan Samuel Getahun Gowin. He and his sister came home with us one year and 4 months ago. God gave me his Bible name a long time ago and then reiterated it the same summer that he gave me Eva’s name Ruth. Hannah prayed for a son and God promised her Samuel, who was eventually not raised by his biological family. He was used by God in mighty ways, but one funny way that Aidan Samuel has already lived out his name is that he often comes running when we call anyone’s name, thinking we called him! Remember the story in the Old Testament when God was calling young Samuel in the night, but he kept running to the priest Eli because he thought Eli was calling him? Hopefully as he matures, he will hear God’s voice loud and clear. 🙂
Aidan turned six today and was so excited about it! He is actually more likely 8 years old, but April 16, 2006 is the date they made up on his birth certificate and so he doesn’t know any differently. In most rural villages in Ethiopia, birthdays are not celebrated. They don’t have a calendar on the wall of their hut. Each of their days looks pretty much the same—the focus is mostly on finding work and food for the day and cooking it.
So when Aidan came here, he didn’t know about birthday celebrations. He had one last year, but there wasn’t a way to explain it to him with his limited English understanding at the time, so it just happened. Now that he knows what to expect and understands the concept of a year, there has been much anticipation for his birthday this year! His teacher at school says he has almost daily pointed out his birthday on the calendar! He had a party with some friends on Thursday over Spring Break, and this morning we celebrated him with our family, brought Oreo frog treats to school, and went out to eat Culver’s tonight. I’m sure Michael will post pictures soon.
We are celebrating what a joy he is and celebrating how God brought him to our home. Just the other day, Aidan saw me looking at a post by a Facebook friend who was recently in Uganda. He saw the woman and remarked that she was like me (and pointed to my skin) and that the kids were like him (meaning brown). Then he asked me: “Mom, how you pick me? You do eny-meeny-miny-mo?” It was the perfect time to sit him on my lap and explain how much God loves him! “God saw you and Eva in Ethiopia and He told your daddy and me [using my big God voice], ‘Michael and Suzanne, there is a four year old boy and his baby sister in Ethiopia, and I want YOU to go to Africa and get them and take care of them forever!'” Aidan asked incredulously, “He really said dat??” I laughed, “No, but he did tell us in our hearts.” Aidan curled up in my lap and gave me lots of kisses. I asked him what that was for, just to hear what he’d say, and he said, “You’re my mom!”
Aidan is one of the happiest kids you will meet. Almost everything is fun or funny to him. He has a beautiful big smile that is contagious and eyes that just light up! And he loves life! Of course, he has the Ethiopian loudness gene so his fun is quite big, which is what causes some of the notes home from school. 🙂 He loves to be a helper and is very good at chores. He is very strong and athletic and will be the star on the ball team some day. We have done a few small soccer camps and have put up a basketball hoop, but we will wait till he is a little older to really dive into athletics. We wanted to focus on attachment, ABC’s, and social skills first. He has done really well with his schooling and will likely be at the top of his class. Even though he objected to all the new foods at first, we didn’t allow him to be picky, and within a few weeks he was eating EVERYTHING and asking for more! And though his body objected to structure at first, he thrives on it now. He is the first to follow through, without prompting, with whatever routine he is supposed to be doing (getting ready for school, etc.). And he never forgets a rule, nor is he defiant, so when he disobeys, it is most always because the other thing simply looked more fun.
We would not be honest if we said this first year has been easy. Aidan’s first 6 years of his life were pretty much spent in a village on his own with little supervision or correction. So couple that with a take-charge personality and the Ethiopian happy-but-argumentative culture (yes, that sounds contradictory but it is true), and you have a little boy who tried to come in and control our family from day one. Before he could barely speak any English, he was always (I’m not exaggerating) announcing whose turn it was or arguing about how to play a game that the other kids had just finished teaching him. Add this to the fact that he was regularly making loud obnoxious noises to make sure he was noticed, and the other kids got tired of this really fast. They have all had to learn patience and grace as we try to catch Aidan up on his social skills. He loves people so much, and Michael and I are trying our best to teach him to chill out some so he won’t push away his friends before they even get a chance to know really him.
We totally get the fact that he had to survive on his own some in his old environment—which is why he has scars from fires he fell in while cooking, etc.—but we are trying to help him thrive in this environment. He is doing so much better, but it has been a lot of work and something we still work on daily. I will admit that last summer was one of my hardest summers ever, with them all home and SO much arguing. I lost my patience a lot more than I care to admit, and God has done some refining of me as well. There were times that I wondered if we were getting anywhere, but then I watched a video we had taken of him in Ethiopia, and he looked like he was high on Mountain Dew! That same kid in the States would have been put on ritalin immediately! Fortunately for him (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it 🙂 ), he now has two first-born parents who do their best to focus on self-discipline and consistency, paired with love. Self-control is still an issue for him but he is doing so much better and is therefore more at peace with himself as well.
I know, without a doubt, that like Samuel in the Bible, God is going to do great things through Aidan as he matures! One time when he was helping me wash potatoes, he said, “If I get hundred dollars, I give it to da airplane man and he take me to African so I can tell dem bout God!” I replied, “Well, that’s not quite enough money. But I thought a lot of people in Ethiopia already knew about God?” “Not like DIS!! How much, two hundred? I guess I will have to wait.” He sees how much God loves us and is involved in saving our lives, and he wants to share that great news! If that is not Samuel, then I don’t know what is.
Eva’s 2nd Birthday
We celebrated Eva’s second birthday last week. She had a few friends over and some ladybug treats that Suz made. Here are a couple images I made (Suzanne may add some later).
Gowin Kid #1: Eva Ruth Mebrat
Since I am awful at keeping up with baby books, I want to devote a post to each of our children for posterity. I am going in reverse age order because their birthdays mostly fall in that order.
Our youngest child just turned two today: Eva Ruth Mebrat Gowin. There is richness in her name and in her personality. All of our kids have Irish names and Bible names, and our Ethiopian children kept their Ethiopian names. “Eva” is the Anglicized version of the Irish name Aoife (“ee-fa”—You can understand why we didn’t used the Irish spelling!) which means “radiant, pleasant, beautiful.” She is all of these things. Her birth mother named her “Mebrat” (“muh-brought”—you know, like hot dogs and brats?) which is Ethiopian for “light.” And Ruth is her Bible name. The summer of 2005 I feel like God hit me hard with that name, knowing it would be the name of one of our adopted children. In the Bible, Ruth and Samuel (which is Aidan’s middle name) were both ordinary people whom God used to serve Him and show His glory while not being raised by their biological families. Ruth, a Moabitess, chose to stay with her widowed mother-in-law Naomi to take care of her and follow her God. In the end, Ruth married Boaz (their kinsman redeemer, which means he was in Naomi’s bloodline and chose to redeem her family’s lineage by taking them into his family), and she became the great-grandmother to King David and ultimately to the Lord Jesus Himself. She was selfless and humble and illustrated beautifully how God has redeemed each of -our lives.
Our Eva is a bright light wherever she goes. We cannot leave a store or a doctor’s office without new friends she has made. People who would otherwise ignore us (or even think bad thoughts about a white mom with her brown baby), can’t help but remark how beautiful she is and talk and laugh with her. She is constantly waving at people and saying “hi,” especially if she has met you once before, and if she sees a baby she is beside herself wanting to get out of the cart to go meet him/her. And though these actions might look as if she is not quite attached, if she is so willing to meet other people, but that is certainly not the case. She may go give a stranger a hug and kiss, but once they pick her up, she immediately wants back to Mom.
Eva is also a joyful light in our home. She loves to talk, sing, and dance—and is very good at them, I might add! I wouldn’t be surprised if she is nicknamed Eva Diva someday! She does the most hilarious things but I often cannot catch them on video because she wants to stop and see herself on the camera. She makes us laugh, but not in a needy way to get attention. She often could care less if we saw her doing whatever she was doing. But she is also very sensitive—offering an empathetic pat to another sibling who might be sad or in trouble, or wanting to kiss me if I got “hurt?” She makes you feel like a King or Queen when you are returning home—you should hear her yell “Daddy!!!” when she gets to see him after work. She loves her daddy.
On a physical note, she was very sick when we brought her home a year ago last January—had to be hospitalized with pneumonia that she probably had for months before we got her. She was in the 1st and 6th percentiles in her height and weight when we brought her home. Now she is in the 65th percentile. It is amazing what love and nutrition will do! She had such a hard time napping when we first brought her home. She fought us so much for those much needed naps. But we were persistent. Now she is the best sleeper. Now that she is two, she fights me a little more about not wanting to nap, but I just hold her snugger when I rock her and she is out in less than ten minutes. If she is late for a nap or misses it altogether, she is such a trooper. The other kids would have melt-downs in those circumstances and had a horrible time sleeping in unknown places. She is by far the easiest baby we have ever had.
Also, now that she is two, I expect her strength of character will challenge us at times. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to ask for it, or just go get it. She has gotten herself drinks of water using her toys to dip into the dog’s bowl. If one of the kids leaves the bathroom door open, she is likely to get deodorant and put it on her face like chapstick. She tells me to put “Bad” on the ipod so she can dance to Michael Jackson, and she knows the right moves. She started potty training herself. I had sat her on the potty a couple random times—one time “something happened”—and then she started telling when she needed to go. I need to work regularly with her so she will choose to only go on the potty, but that’s amazing in my book!
I will be sad when she leaves this funny, sweet age, but I am also excited to see what God has in store for this “little light of mine”! I just today sadly learned that Eva’s birthday, April 4, is the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s death. I can only hope that she somehow someday redeems that date on the calendar. Maybe she already has.
Michael has said on more than one occasion, with tears in his eyes, “What would we have missed if she were not part of our family?” We implore you, if you have ever considered adoption but then “let the feeling go away” out of fear of the unknown, please consider praying about it again. God can and will do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine if you are only willing to take the risk and trust Him. He will bring you to a realm of understanding of His grace and redemption that you never even knew existed before, and you will never want to go back.
…and then there’s laundry!
Ok, so I guess I forgot probably the most important part, the part you were all wanting to know: how do you get all that laundry done?? This may be my most exciting post yet.
About twice a week (no, no specific weekly schedule like much more organized moms), when someone is running out of socks or I realize the laundry hampers are about to eat us, I decide to do laundry. I have two hampers tucked away in a little nook in our upstairs hallway labeled “Lights” and “Darks.” When the kids put in their dirty laundry, they sort them for me as they go into the hampers. The standing rule is that they have to wear their jeans at least twice, sweatshirts at least twice, and shirts and undergarments ONCE. If they are obviously dirty or stink (though I don’t have teens yet), they go in after one day. I have the kids put their shirts in after one day because they have school germs all over them, even if there is no ketchup. But I often wear mine more than once. If it doesn’t have stink, baby snot, or mud from playing basketball in our mud pit behind the garage, then why does it need to go in the washer? Just because I’m American and that’s what Americans do? I’m trying very hard to avoid Americanism in much of what we do, as best I can.
Here are our laundry baskets. (The above Scripture is more from Isa 43:1-7, along with the verses over the mantle that I mentioned in my previous post. The Africa puzzle was our adoption fundraiser and has, on the back of the pieces, names of the people who graciously gave money to help bring our kids home.)
When it gets full, I carry overflowing baskets down two flights of stairs to the basement. Yes, I know it is not efficient, and yes I am going to fall some day when I get old, but our house is 130 years old. I am blessed to have a pretty large front loader and dryer and can get huge amounts of clothes done in a load, so I can usually fit it in 3 loads, once or twice a week. I set the timer in the kitchen to remind me to switch the loads to the dryer and I go about my day. Either that day, or the next…or the next, when I get tired of looking at the baskets of clean unfolded laundry filling up the den, and of picking up what Eva drug out, I declare to the kids that it’s time to fold laundry. It’s not their favorite thing to do, but they are getting more used to it. I used to let them watch TV while doing it, but I was constantly fussing at them to keep going. So now I put on peppy music instead and things go much better! They each find a spot in the den (TV room) and I start throwing clothes at them. I can quickly pick out whose is whose and so to keep the arguing down, I toss them what is theirs and they fold it. Then usually the boys fold Michael’s clothes, the girls fold Eva’s, and I FOLD MY OWN. Yes, I have let go of the need to make sure all their stuff is not wrinkled and is organized properly, but I still want mine done RIGHT. I send them up with their pile to put away, and it is gone! No more waiting around to put it away till I discover I need the baskets again. No more me sitting for 3 hours to fold everyone’s stuff neatly. 30 minutes and I don’t have to look at it anymore. (Now I do get a little nauseous when I see inside some of their drawers, but I try to close it quickly and the feeling goes away. When the kids start caring that they have wrinkles, then maybe they’ll do a better job. I will say that at times, though, that some of their items get rejected with a “Not good enough” stamp, in true Dave Ramsey form.)
One thing I realize that God has gifted me with is a mind that likes to focus on efficiency. (Though it’s an obvious curse as well. I have to work on my attitude when I think that my way is the best way of doing things. Well, because it is.) I have a degree in math. I am very spatially oriented. I can pack a ton of stuff in a small space though I am always seeking new ideas. I love to parallel park. I multitask, to a fault at times. And so sometimes I am energized by the fact that I have 5 kids and we have to go somewhere— “I can do it!” (Getting there is not always pretty though.) So I wonder if being a mom of a lot of kids is more of what He had planned for me in using those gifts, even more than being called to do calculus…. I can count to 7. And we all wear clean clothes. Well, mostly clean.
I Put Baby in a Corner
A day in the life….
Well, several of you have asked, and so I concede. Our life seems pretty boring and normal (if I can say that!) to me, but I will attempt to record our lives in a concise blog post…. (haha!)
The morning begins with my alarm at 5:30 am. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’ve hit the snooze till 6 am, but I get up for some necessary quiet time in prayer and Bible reading to start the day. The kids are not allowed to get up until after 6:30 (7am for those with whom we’ve had “issues” the previous day) and can then watch Tivo’ed programs like “Wild Kratz” and “Electric Company” till 7:00—usually Maura and Aidan. Liam has started sleeping in a little more, but if he’s up, he is often reading his Bible. It may be that he likes checking off the Bible reading plan as much or more than the actual reading, but I am just so proud of him for doing it! Erin lays in bed till the last possible minute, but is always ready on time without any prompting. Eva is usually awake between 6 and 6:30, but I let her jabber till 7:00 when it is time for everyone to eat breakfast and get ready for school. Liam and Erin have early band on alternating days and are out of the house by 7:15, and the rest are walking with Dad to school about 8:15. Michael then heads off to work, though some days his work is done here at home.
Twice a week, I take Maura (and Eva) to get her allergy shots, and then Eva and I often run our errands after I drop Maura off at school. Eva LOVES to go “out” and we have a delightful time together. At home, she plays well while I take care of home things, though she often comes to grab my finger and drag me off to “sit” by her and play. While she and I are having an early lunch, I try to get a start on dinner preparations. After lunch, I rock Eva to sleep (only takes less than 10 min now) and I have a couple hours to myself! This seems like the first semester in years that I didn’t feel like I had an urgent project to work on—it’s so nice! Don’t get me wrong, I have many projects to do, and I enjoy getting them done, but I also can choose to sit with some sweet tea and a book. I just finished Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis about how God led her to live in Uganda right after high school and now is 22 and has 14 adopted children living with her! Her testimony of God’s love and leading is inspiring and convicting. Now I am reading Interrupted by another adoptive mom and gifted speaker Jen Hatmaker. It is about how God interrupted their successful lives as pastors of a church, and opened their eyes to the people God wanted them to serve—the poor and abandoned. I love seeing God at work! (Occasionally during this down time is when I realize I have yet to brush my teeth!)
After nap, we walk (stroller) to get the big kids from school. On the way home, I have learned to hear 4 different stories at the same time, while the kids are learning to take turns with Mommy and not cut into others’ conversations. We do snacks and homework when we get home, and I try my best to keep the peace with the kids who are wired and/or tired from school. I have convinced the older two introverts to go straight upstairs to their rooms after school to do their homework and practice their instruments where it is quiet and they can wind down. This has seemed to help with the bickering after school. I also try to spend some time with each of them playing or talking, which can get a little tricky (esp. when that involves shooting hoops out back and leaving the baby inside with the girls for a few minutes).
We have early dinners like 5 or 5:30, even 4:30 if someone has 5:30/6 activities (Liam with Boy Scouts, Maura with tumbling). Then we clean up after dinner and play some games and/or baths. We put kids down to bed mostly one at a time starting at 7:00 and going till 8:30/45 or so, depending on age and amount of sleep needed. Michael is usually home about 5:00 and is involved in the evenings’ activities. After the last one is to bed, Michael and I have some time to sit and chat and also get some work done. We usually stay up too late since this is our quiet time and regret it when the alarm clock goes off, but it still happens again the next night.
We don’t have the kids involved in very many extra-curriculars. I know that will happen soon enough as they get older, and I know they can learn a lot from sports and other activities, but for now we believe they will learn the most from spending time with family and learning to enjoy each other, as well as how to manage conflict. 🙂 Besides the above mentioned activities, Erin will try out for the Junior High play; Erin, Maura, and Aidan do kids choir at church on Sunday nights; and Erin does church on Wed nights. All four of the big kids are involved in the indoor soccer league at LCU on Saturdays, but it is nice because it is just one day a week for six weeks. No major commitment, besides the 5 hours on Saturdays, and a great way to spend winter Saturdays. Eva still enjoys taking naps in the Moby wrap I use during the games. They are usually shorter naps but she is always good to go anyway! Aidan is very physical and will be in organized sports soon enough, but we thought it best to hold off on that and focus on learning English and social skills first.
Friday nights we always look forward to movie night with pizza and popcorn, though it is occasionally usurped by another family activity. Saturday morning is chore day, which is not so looked-forward-to, but it is good nonetheless. We have a weekly rotating chore chart for four kids: 1) empty dishwasher, water plants, sweep front porch, 2) vacuum, 3) dust and trash, 4) sinks and tub. And the boys each have a toilet to scrub since they are the ones who make the mess! These are all accomplished Sat morn (which is tricky before soccer, but it happens!) except the dishwasher is all week, usually in the mornings or after school. They get paid to do these—not much, but it is a good learning tool on how to set apart money for church, spending, and saving. (Yes, our kids do the Dave Ramsey stuff too!) Sunday is church, of course, then play in the afternoon, and choir at night.
When we have extra days off school or no scheduled activities for the weekend, we sometimes go to a park or ride bikes, or out to Pizza Hut to use Book It coupons for a change in the week. It also seems to help keep the arguing at bay. Mix it up, keep ’em busy, and make good memories together—they are important for family harmony!
For those of you who see us at church and think we “have it all together,” let me put that assumption to rest right now. We have plenty of trials. We have 4 big kids with strong but quite different personalities learning to get along with each other and love, even when we don’t want to. Then throw in a loud but happy baby with nap schedules and an affinity for adventure, and it gets even more crazy! There are plenty of tears on any given day, and sometimes they are mine, but we also have meaningful discussions and hopefully grow from them. Our house may look clean if you stop by (on a good day), and mostly it is picked up because I can’t stand clutter and I keep on the kids to pick up after themselves (I’ve learned not to spend my only time to myself picking up after everyone—makes for a not-happy momma!). But don’t look too closely under the chairs or in the closets, and especially at my awful desk! Oh, and there’s dog hair. I don’t even notice it anymore, but you probably will. There is one particular cobweb on the ceiling in the den that I am waiting to see how big it can get before my mom comes to visit and she takes care of it. You think I’m kidding. Someone once spoke at a Mom’s Conference that I go to each year (Hearts at Home) of her “Ministry of Mediocrity.” If we have perfectly clean houses and clothes and hair, then we often make others around us feel bad about themselves because they could never live up to that. I am just trying to help ya’ll feel good about yourselves!
So you see how, even as tired as I am sometimes, I cannot afford to skip getting up early and kneeling before my Father God to beg His guidance in each of our lives. Remember that corny Winans song from the early 90’s— “I have to pray just to make it today”? Well, that is how I feel! But I also pray because I want to truly hear Him speaking to me through His Word, and I want to be aware of people and situations He may place in front of me that day because I don’t want to miss those opportunities of service to Him. It is my prayer everyday that our family is a blessing to others and an example of God’s grace and redemption. In fact, if you come to our house and miss it from the members of our household, at least, hopefully, you will be hit by it on our wall:
In the next few weeks, I would like to put up a post about each of our kids. So keep watching….
Best Bowling of 2012
As I mentioned the other day, we celebrated one year with Aidan and Eva this week. Today we were able to spend some time as a family doing something fun so we went bowling and then out to dinner. Liam’s friend Eli was along for the ride as well. Here’s a little bit of our day.
One Year
A year ago today, Suzanne and I left Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, in an airplane to land in snow-covered Peoria, Illinois, with Erin and our two newest children, Aidan and Eva. It was a long trip: 30+ hours, Erin getting sick on each leg of our trip, and Eva traveling with a fever and a cough that would later be diagnosed as pneumonia. The year has been full of challenges as we’ve been adapting to life as a family of seven, but we’ve been blessed beyond measure by our God and faithful friends here. Along the way, we’ve made new friends who themselves have opened their hearts and their homes to “the least of these” for whom Jesus cares so deeply.
Suzanne posted an image of Eva in facebook a while back with a quote from Katie Davis, and it’s a fitting reminder of the past year for us:
Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room.
Our deepest thanks to those who’ve helped and prayed for us in the past year. We’re grateful to be on the journey with you all.
Explaining New York
While driving around on some errands today, the boys and I were listening to U2. Liam listens to the All That You Can’t Leave Behind album on the iPod often and knows most of the words to those songs. During the song “New York,” Liam asked about the lines:
In New York I lost it all to you and your vices
Still I’m staying on to figure out my mid life crisis
I hit an iceberg in my life
You know I’m still afloat
You lose your balance, lose your wife
In the queue for the lifeboat
Gotta put the women and children first
But you’ve got an unquenchable thirst for New York
He understood that the iceberg bit was a metaphor of some sort but wasn’t sure what it meant. I explained that the entire song was a metaphor for the things that lure us away from what’s important in life (see 1 John 2.15-17). Any kind of addiction–money, work, drugs, video games, relationships, etc.–will draw us away from the life God intends for us. In the song, New York represents those things.
It’s interesting to set U2’s “New York” alongside Frank Sinatra’s well-known “New York, New York.” To Sinatra, the City represents limitless opportunity and possibilities for fame and success. It is modern and hopeful. By contrast, U2’s New York is dark, sinister, seductive, and dangerous–a place to be feared, where one’s soul is at risk. While Sinatra’s New York offers the naive outsider a chance to make it big, U2’s New York will entice you then take your life.
I was grateful for the chance to talk this over with Liam today. I’m reminded that nine-year-old boys pay attention to significant things.
Here are the lyrics to the U2 song and a video to a live performance of it. The song is one of my favorites on that album, musically and lyrically. The arrangement consistently points to the disorienting and seductive nature of the City revealed in the lyrics–really well done.