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No Complaining Week: Two Days In

We’ve now completed two full days in our No Complaining Week experiment. Everyone is still wearing their green ribbons. How’s it going?

Monday went pretty well. We remembered that the Lord had made the day and that we would rejoice and be glad in it. We each had a minor violation and had to wear the Cone of Shame for a brief time but, overall, no major complaining fits or meltdowns.

Tuesday, however, was another story. Each of the kids spent time under the Cone of Shame for arguing or complaining. In a couple cases, additional time and/or penalties had to be added.

In summary, then, a couple observations so far:

  • The kids do not like wearing the Cone of Shame. I mean, they really don’t like it. When I initially proposed this idea over the weekend, I thought they’d think it was kind of funny: “Ha ha! Look at me with a silly hat on my head, just because I was ungrateful!” Nope. It is truly the Cone of Shame.
  • For me personally, I am seeing the ways in which I frequently think negatively and unproductively. Whether I say it aloud or not, I complain more than I’d care to admit. This morning, in fact, I was in conversation with a couple friends at a local shop and found myself complaining about a particularly silly (to me and my friends) government regulation. I stopped but not before I voiced my complaint. I must therefore submit myself to the prescribed penance.

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No Complaining Week: Some Visuals

A few folks have wondered what the Cone of Shame looks like. Below, Maura models one of our green reminder ribbons (because green means gratitude) and everyone is shown wearing the Cone of Shame. I was hoping I could get just one kid to wear it (for the purpose of making a photograph to show on the blog) but no one would wear it unless we all wore it. Evidently they were too ashamed.  With that, then, I give you the green ribbon and the Cone of Shame:

 






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Thanksgiving Week: No Whining or It’s the Cone of Shame

Do everything without complaining or arguing – Philippians 2.14

This Thursday, like most Americans, we’ll celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. In an effort to help cultivate grateful spirits, we’re undertaking a little exercise this week.

As a family, we’ve designated this No Complaining Week. Beginning Monday morning, we’ll all wear green ribbons as bracelets to remind us to be thankful. Why green? It’s representative of abundance, and “gratitude” and “green” both start with “gr” — it’s a mnemonic thing. The goal will be to make it through to Friday without complaining. If someone does complain, they will don the Cone of Shame (similar to a dunce cap) and will not be allowed to talk for two minutes. We’ve taken the idea for the Cone of Shame from the Pixar movie UP, in which dogs who were guilty of some special offense against the community had to wear a cone.

I expect that we’ll all have to wear the Cone of Shame at some point, perhaps even have to take turns with it. As we discussed No Complaining Week over dinner tonight, six-year-old Maura exclaimed, “I’m gonna die!” Evidently she’s foreseeing herself wearing the Cone of Shame quite a bit.

We’ve never done this before but figured it would be a fun and good experiment to try. Hopefully we’ll all come through it more grateful at the end of the week.

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Erin’s Wigwam

Our oldest daughter, Erin, is in fifth grade this year. Her class has been studying Native American tribes the last few weeks and working in project groups to prepare a report on their findings. Erin’s group was assigned the Eastern Woodland tribes. As part of their project, Erin built a model of a wigwam with authentic materials: toothpicks, hot glue, bendy straws, and pieces of felt. She worked hard for several evenings and did a terrific job with it.

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What are you waiting for?

David DuChemin, a photographer and writer whose work I admire, reflected yesterday on the brevity of life and choosing what’s important. This is a theme that’s been coming up frequently for me in the last several weeks. Francis Chan discusses it in his book Crazy Love (which I’ve mentioned recently) and it’s an idea that comes up repeatedly in the Bible:

As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more. (Psalm 103.15-16)

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4.13-14)

It’s a thought that arose while we were in Ethiopia last week as well. Much of the time I’m oblivious to the reality that my time here is short. Being uprooted from normal routines in a vastly different culture on the other side of the world, however, affords one some opportunities for reflection and focus.

To be honest, the past 15 months of the adoption process have been hard on me. Adding two children to our family—at once—brings with it some significant uncertainties. How will they fit in with our family? Will they bond with us? Do we have enough space for them? Can we afford the expenses of adoption, much less the food, clothes, vehicles, home maintenance, and the thousand other attendant things that go along with a household of seven? What will our family and friends think of us and our decision? Do I have what it takes to be a father to five children? What if…? I could fill a dump truck with the “what ifs” and doubts that have crossed my mind in the last year and a half.

All of these doubts have a common origin: fear and unbelief. I’m afraid that I don’t have what it takes to get things done and I don’t believe that God will come through. Why? Maybe because I live in a setting that requires so little faith. Jesus told his followers to ask God for daily bread; I have a kitchen full of food, an adequate salary with which to buy more, and a grocery store a few miles from my house. Jesus said that birds have nests and foxes have holes but he had no place to lie down for a nap; I have a very nice home. If I get sick, I have access to hospitals and doctors. If I die, a life insurance policy will provide for my family’s financial needs for years after I’m gone. I’m grateful for all of these things but where is there room for me to depend on God? Where has God had opportunity to work his strength in my weakness? Billions of people in the world live without these safety nets; I’m not one of them and neither are most of the people who live in America, Canada, or Europe.

While the adoption process has been hard, it has stretched me and helped me grow. It has taken me past what I know and forced me to do things I wouldn’t do. I like my life and family here in central Illinois just fine, thank you, but now I’m seeing beyond the corn and bean fields that surround us. I’m not a huge fan of travel but I had to fly over land and sea to attend court and meet our children in Ethiopia. Each day in Ethiopia put me on someone else’s agenda, not my own. This has been good and is helping me to learn trust and faith. These are lessons I’m not sure I’d have learned another way.

We don’t get many opportunities to do life-changing things for others. Or maybe we do but we don’t do them or fail to see them. Either way, if our time here is truly short then what we do or don’t do matters all the more.

I’ve dragged my feet through the past several months, to my own shame. Having been in-country, though, and having spent time with the children—and not just ours, but those of the other adoptive families as well as dozens upon dozens of children waiting for families of their own—God has opened my eyes and my heart. We are doing something that matters to these two children and to their mom who so wishes she could support and raise them but loves them enough to let them go. It is an incredible trust she is placing in us and I want to honor that trust.

So we, the Gowins, walk into the unfamiliar, into uncertainty, leaving behind a portion of the life we’ve known, a life that is comfortable and befits us. But we walk in faith in a way that we have not known, and with that has come an unusual peace as well. I’m looking forward to having our children, all of our children, here with us at home.

Fear and uncertainty have held me back but I’m moving forward. If we are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, what’s holding you back? What are you waiting for?

(*note from Suzanne: Now, please also go back up and click on that David DuChemin link that you passed over.  It’s worth your time. )

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Home

Just a quick note to say that Suz and I are back home in the States. Looking forward to picking up our first three children from school in a few minutes. Long day of travel, bittersweet goodbyes yesterday but a good and blessed week overall. More to come. Thanks to all for your faithful love and prayers.

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Saturday in Addis Ababa

Today’s schedule was somewhat lighter than the past few days. We spent some time at the transition home with the kids this morning. Eva slept on me most of the time while Suzanne and Aidan played soccer and painted with watercolors. He also loves to hang upside down on the jungle gym in the yard.

After lunch, we drove up Entoto Mountain with two of the other families. Entoto Mountain overlooks Addis Ababa and features St. Mary’s church and a palace built by King Menelik II in the late 19th century. Along the mountain road, women carried bundles of eucalyptus branches on their backs to sell at the market at the base of the mountain. The wood is sold for firewood. After they’ve sold their stock, they buy supplies and then head back up the mountain. Below is a photo of our group outside the palace and Suzanne and I in front of the church.

This evening we had dinner at the guest house with our friends. The guest house has a patio on the roof from which the surrounding neighborhoods can be seen. Just to the east is a street which we’ve nicknamed the Fashion District (one other dad here called it the Mannequin Graveyard): nearly every shop sells some manner of clothing items, and there are a few restaurants, cafes, medicine shops, and other stores as well. Right across the street is a kindergarten and the KVI orphanage which we visited yesterday is just around the corner. Interspersed throughout are homes, some well built and surrounded by walls and gates, others simple corrugated metal shacks. The city itself is surrounded by mountains. The two images below show a view to the east of the guest house and then another at sunset across the rooftops to the west.

Tomorrow we’re attending church services here in Addis. Appropriately, it happens to be Orphan Sunday. Our agency, America World Adoption Agency, is asking Christians to pray that God will continue to:

  1. Protect orphans around the world and shower them with grace and mercy.
  2. Move on the hearts of families to adopt and be actively involved in bringing hope to the fatherless.
  3. Raise up advocates on behalf of vulnerable children.

Would you join us in this effort?

If you happen to be in or near Lincoln tonight, consider attending the Adoption Rocks Coffee House at Jefferson Street Christian Church at 7:00 PM. Plan on an evening of music, good coffee, and an opportunity to celebrate the blessing of adoption.

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Court update 2

We’re still waiting.

In order for our case to proceed to the next step, the ministry of women’s affairs (MOWA) needs to submit a recommendation letter to the court here. As I mentioned yesterday, this should have been in our file prior to our court date. The AWAA staff has learned, though, that MOWA is backlogged with adoption cases and claims they don’t have time to write the letter. The judge has affirmed that we have been approved to adopt pending receipt of the MOWA letter. The AWAA coordinator will continue to advocate for us but, for now, MOWA has stated that they will submit the letter by November 27. This would push our embassy date to late December or early January; we’d prefer an early December date.

How you can help: please pray with us that MOWA will get our letter submitted sooner rather than later, if indeed that is God’s timing.

As for the rest of our day, this morning we visited two orphanages, Kingdom Vision International and Kids Care, that partner with AWAA. Each orphanage cares for about 40 children, most of whom have come to Addis Ababa from southern Ethiopia. Severe poverty is a constant problem in the region and parents are simply unable to support their children. We came loaded with donations of baby blankets, cloth diapers, formula, and bedding. Other families brought things for the kids to play with–balloons, inflatable beach balls, and soap bubbles. The kids enjoyed the attention and gifts and the nannies appreciated the donations. Below is a photo of one of the workers at the Kids Care.

This afternoon we were back at the transition home to spend time with Aidan and Eva. Eva has had a chest cold the last several days but has still been pleasant and smiley. Pray that she’ll get over the cold quickly. Aidan and I played a matching card game with several of his friends for over an hour–they all had a great time.

We likely won’t have any further news on the MOWA letter until Monday, and we’ll be flying home on Monday night. Thanks again for your prayers.

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Court update 1

We went before the judge at court today here in Addis Ababa to learn that… we’ll have to wait at least another day for news to report.

The lobby outside the judge’s office was crowded and Suzanne and I, the first of the four AWAA families, were called in earlier than our 11:00 AM appointment. The primary procedural reason for our visit to Ethiopia–this meeting with the adoption judge–lasted less than two minutes. We answered a few questions about our adoption training, our current children’s feelings about the adoption, and our understanding of the irrevocability of the adoption. That was it. We and the other families were told that a critical piece of documentation from the Ethiopian ministry of women’s affairs (MOWA) that should have reached the court today had not yet arrived by the time of our appointment. Because the judge needed that information to completely assess our cases, she was unable to say definitively whether we’d passed.

The AWAA staff was told this afternoon that we’d have to wait until Monday for a final answer. We learned later that one of the AWAA staff members would visit the court tomorrow to see if she could get our status before the weekend.

At this point, then, we have no news. Suzanne and I are extremely grateful for those of you who were up early to pray for us. Please continue praying for us and the other adoptive families here. We’ll share news as soon as we’re able.

Besides our court appointment today, we also packed in a tour of a coffee factory, some time at the transition home, and a visit with the birth parents after court. During this visit, we were able to ask some questions of the children’s birth mother and learn a few more details about them and her story. In our case, we had to have two translators at the table since she spoke neither English nor Amharic and our translator didn’t speak her language (there are over 80 languages spoken in Ethiopia). I’m not sure what may have been added or lost in the translation from English to Amharic to her language and vice versa. She expressed that she wanted the children to go to a good school and to have a chance for a good future. We assured her that we would provide them with those things and that they would be raised in the church and loved in our home. See seemed very shy and somewhat detached while we spoke but brightened up when we gave her a small photo album containing photos of her children, our kids, as well as some photos of Suzanne and me with Aidan and Eva. Before she left we made a photo of the three of us together which I quickly printed with a portable printer and added to her album. We believe she left today feeling that, in the midst of very difficult circumstances, she made a good choice for her children.

Lord God, help our family to faithfully steward the children whom this mother has entrusted to us and bless her also.

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Court time update

Our court time has been moved to 11:00 AM in Ethiopia tomorrow. Not sure why but that’s when we and three other families with us will go before the judge (one family had court today and PASSED–excellent). For those back home in Illinois, that’s 3:00 AM. On the very outside chance that you’re awake at that hour, your prayers would be most welcome.

Thanks for all those who left encouraging words here and on facebook. Today has been an emotional one but God is blessing us in ways we could not have imagined. These four families here with us have become fellow companions in our journey and we’re grateful for them.

Again, court time is 11:00 AM in Ethiopia, 3:00 AM in Illinois. More to come…