I’m breaking my fast from “social networking” in the evenings for just a moment to reflect on what flooded my emotions tonight.
Just by chance, on two separate occasions today, I was asked to recount the circumstances of my firstborn’s birth. A very long story short, Erin was born, by emergency c-section, over two months early weighing 2# 14oz because I had HELLP Syndrome. The nurses told me a few days later that I almost died from complications including the rupture of my liver. As I reflect, there were SO MANY details of the story that I KNOW God stepped in and changed the trajectory of where I was headed. (Those amazing details will be saved for a later, much longer post.)
Also tonight, I was taking care of updating some billing information for a mission we give to–New Missions Systems International. On their front page they tell of a mom of four in their organization that died recently from brain bleeding complications from eclampsia (most likely the same as the HELLP Syndrome that I had). My heart hurts for her family. I was overwhelmed by the fact that my family’s life would be totally different (and basically non-existent) if God had not stepped in during those couple weeks previous to Erin’s birth.
Why me, Lord? Why did you save me? What do you want of me? What do you want of our family? We have been given a second chance. I don’t want to miss you in the mundane of life. I want to make everything I do count. I do not want to get so busy with our American, self-sufficient way of life that I forget that you are my Creator, my Redeemer, My Savior (in more ways than one), my Lord. I know I don’t have to do giant things to be worthy of your love and approval, but I do want to please you in the little things and allow you to work through me so that whatever I do, big or small, it is ONLY because of your grace and only for YOUR glory. Whether I am a big toe or a shoulder, an eyelash or an eyeball, I truly want to know that I am following YOUR purposes for me. Lord, “thank you” is not enough, but I don’t know what else to say…..
“Ama-se-ganalo” (thank you in Amharic/Ethiopian).